January 28, 2010

• Bonding Time...

  My Tuesdays with Cordelia are becoming the highlight of my week as we spend time getting to know each other- which at this point means changing diapers and feeding and her falling asleep in my arms to the sound of something with subtitles. They'll change as she grows and her needs change, but I hope that the bond we're building now doesn't.

  I drove down to my Dad's Tuesday night and we sat up talking and laughing about memories from my childhood. My step mother wasn't a part of my childhood and she hadn't heard many of the things we talked about and she asked questions I had never thought about. In the morning we worked on a puzzle in the winter sunlight and talked about who had the blue piece with a bit of white in it and where did the blob of brown go.

  I picked up my nine year old nephew after lunch and we drove away for our first outing together- just him and me- his DS left home for his younger sisters to snag while we looked at sharks. He's a thoughtful child, but a bit fearful, and I was planning a day that revolved around him and his wishes. He talked about the sharks and had a toy shark to match to the real ones. He went on and on about touching the sharks and I didn't remember that you could do that. At the alligators a horde of noisy red heads overwhelmed the area- climbing on things, yelling at the alligators, banging on the glass on the floor. Si was done with the alligators instantly, a bit overwhelmed by the chaos of the horde, and we moved on. He wasn't touching anything- not the horseshoe crab, the starfish, or the sharks, and I didn't make a big deal out of it because I wasn't touching them either. We watched the sharks until Si decided it was a bit creepy (with the loud music and the frantic sharks looking for food). We talked about feeding the birds and how they would walk on you and he was determined to try it. In the Lorakeet room, he bravely held out the nector while the Lorakeet walked down my shoulder towards him, but when it got too close, he threw the cup on the floor and darted out of the area. I couldn't join him until the bird flew away and then I reassured him that he was in charge and if he didn't want to feed the Lorakeet, he didn't have to do so. We stopped to rest our feet and share a pretzel and talk before moving on to see the penquins. Afterwards we watched the sharks eat and then I asked if there was any place he wanted to see again. The alligators, he decided and we walked back to them. As we hung out in the quiet of a fake swamp, Si climbed the fence for a closer look. On the ride home, he said his favorite part was the escalators and I was thinking that our next outting should be a place with lots of escalators. He talked non-stop and his mom said that's a sign he's comfortable with me.

  Bonding... the key factor is time, I've decided. It's hard to fly in, have a family holiday, and fly out. You need gobs of time going at the other's pace, listening to their chatter, answering their questions, asking your own, and at the end- you understand each other a little better. People talk about quality versa quantity and that's one of those fake choices. You need both. Life together is messy- it's diapers, and nector splashing on you, and not touching sharks, and sharing a pretzel. It's remembering where you parked and learning how to read a map together. It's following the signs through town and eating at Johnny Rockets. It's rocking a crying baby and giggling with her when she laughs. Nector washes off and babies outgrow diapers. Trips become faded memories, but the bond remains when everything else is gone......

  • 1:02 pm
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