Sunday, 25 April 2010

• I Like Stars....

  From 2007....

  All kinds of stars- the ones in the sky, the glow in the dark stick on the ceiling hang from a tree ones, Christmas stars in silver, red, gold, or blue, big metal ones on a stick that you put in your front yard until someone suggests they'd look better in the garden, and stars on classroom papers. I think I started teaching kindergarten years ago just so I could hand out as many stars as I liked.

  I don't know why teachers tend to be stingy with their gold foil stars. They come in a box of a thousand that spill all over your desk when you open them for under $1.99. Sometimes when you lick a finger to take out one, two stick together! The lucky child in my class when that happened felt like he'd won the lottery because I always stuck both of them on the paper... it was simply meant to be!

  I remember growing up that my teachers were picky about who got stars and you always knew which paper would have one and which classmate would never get one. I got them frequently enough that it didn't make me sad when I didn't, but I hated it when the kid next to me always put his head down when the teacher handed back the papers. Smudged, crossed out, barely readable and with more wrong answers than right on it, there wasn't a chance he'd get a gold star in his whole lifetime. We were sure of it and usually right. 

  I hate it when stars make people unhappy. I stood outside as a child nearly every night wishing on a star. For years I hedged my bets. I prayed nightly for my pony and just in case that wasn't enough, I wished on a star too.

  Star light, Star bright,

  First star I see tonight...

  I didn't want to know what stars were made of and where their light came from in science class, and I wasn't happy about memorizing the truth for a test either. But I was thrilled when I encountered the Counting the holes the star left behind poem.

  And now, each night I count the stars.
  And each night I get the same number.
  And when they will not come to be counted,
  I count the holes they leave.

  ~ Amiri Baraka

  Preface to a Twenty Volume Suicide Note

  As a five year old, I worried about the kids who never got stars, who never had their talents and dreams acknowledged.  I worried about the kids who couldn't remember the stories we heard, and who always had a dirty face and a quick fist.

  As a ten year old, I worried about the kids who had hope beaten out of them day after day in a classroom designed for children different from them. I worried about the kids no one liked, the ones who couldn't read or spell, the ones with hand-me-down clothing and no money for milk at lunch. And I worried even after I had my own class where stars flowed like the Milky Way for things like printing the first letter of your name right and for helping Dalton hang up his coat. All around me, there was a child hiding the tears in his eyes, with tightened fists, and an anger burning deep in his soul.

  I could spot them- the kids that never got stars. I could see it in their defiant walk, their boasting eyes, and the loneliness of their back when they walked the hall. A star was the least of their problem. A simple five pointed golden foil star on a messy paper wasn't going to take away the hurt they were feeling way too young, but it did make them smile- if only for a minute.

  I walked around the cafeteria one day, sticking a gold star on the cheek of every child who smiled until the whole room glowed with stars and smiles. The meanest teacher in the school picked up her class. She frowned at the beaming faces. "Where'd you get those?" she demanded roughly.

  "Mz. M gave it to me," the worst child in her class replied, his smile gone, the muscles in his back tensed, and his fist tightened. It took all of his ten year old restraint not to hit the woman in front of him.

  "Why?" she asked critically- more to me than to him. ""What on earth could you do right?"

  "I smiled," he muttered, his eyes on the floor, humiliated again for existing.

  "That's a stupid reason for a star," she said dismissively, motioning for her class to begin walking behind.

  "No it's not," I said loudly. Her line of students stopped walking and she looked back at me. She glared and I shrugged. 

  "No, it's not," I said softly, walking up to Desean.

  I handed him the whole box of stars with at least 859 left. "These are for you, Desean. Give them to anyone who has a smile you like."

  He beamed and slid them into his pocket quickly before she could take them from him.

  "I don't want to see them in my class, Desean, or you'll have detention," she responded meanly.

  He nodded and our eyes met. I winked and he blushed. He gripped the box in his pocket tighter.

  Yeah, I like stars. I just wish we were a little less stingy with them with those who need them the most. A lot less stingy~~!!!! They're a $1.99 a thousand,  you know. They aren't priceless!

  Currently Kai By Kai Star Light, Star Bright see related

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